3) Getting and Giving Help to/from Friends and
Family
How
do I get help?
It is really good to have support from a friend
or family member when you are experiencing and challenging abuse. However, it
can take time to find the right person to support you:
- Some people are so used to being abused that they believe
abusive behaviour is normal.
- Some people don’t want to believe that someone they
know is being abused, or is abusing others.
- Some people do not want to know about abuse, because they
find it too frightening.
- Some people enjoy seeing other people abused.
Keep looking for the right person to help you. Other disabled
women in particular may have had similar experiences to you and can be very
supportive. If you have approached a friend or family member for support and
they have rejected you, it is not your fault, in the same way that it is not
your fault you are being abused.
How do I give help?
If someone you know tells you that she is experiencing
abuse, offer your help and support. Explain to her that she is not alone, and
that there are many other women in the same situation. Give her time: she may
not want or be able to tell you everything at once.
- Stress that no one deserves to be abused. No matter what
her abuser says, she has done nothing wrong: nothing can justify her abuser’s
behaviour.
- Be a good listener, and allow her to express her feelings.
Use this pack for information about the options and resources available.
- Help her to make safe plans for dealing with the abuse, but
allow her make her own decisions. Support her in following through the choices
that she makes.
- Offer to go with her if she needs to see the police, solicitor,
advice worker, council and so on. Offer to use your address and phone number
for contact details if it is unsafe for her to use her own.
- Respect her privacy: do not tell anyone else about the abuse
without her permission.
- Make sure that you are safe too. Look after yourself
while you are supporting someone through such a difficult time, and make sure
that you don’t put yourself into danger by becoming involved with the
abuser.
Next: Getting
Help from Groups and Organisations
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